The News, Round 2

On May 19, the night Matt and I got back from Spain, we found out we were pregnant by a home pregnancy test.  We cried, rejoiced, prayed and thanked the Lord for such a sweet blessing He would give us. We went to our doctor the next day and confirmed it by a blood pregnancy test that gave us a specific number: 68.  Anything above 25 is a hallelujah chorus singing of pregnancy!  We were so thrilled that we called our families, and closest friends.  We did ask that they not announce, as we were planning on waiting to announce until after the first trimester.  Yesterday, I would have been 5 weeks.  I received a phone call from my doctor's office yesterday afternoon, who told me that after reviewing my 2nd set of labs drawn the day before, we've lost the pregnancy.  My blood pregnancy test level had decreased to 10. Sometime during my 4th week of pregnancy, the life inside my womb died.  As you can imagine, we are very heartbroken.  I was just leaving work when I got the call, and for a moment, I didn't feel like I could breathe.  I was thankful that it was at the end of my day that I received this news, and not the beginning.  As Matt and I talked and grieved together last night, we were also joyful that we had ten days in which we were given the knowledge that we were parents. Those were a very joyous ten days in our hearts and lives.  We look forward to the day when we will get to see our precious little one in Heaven.

My time with the Lord yesterday morning was a blessing.  Looking back now, God was preparing my heart for this news. He reminded me of His great love for me, even through trials, and how I am to approach trials in my life before Him.  "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him" (Job 13:15).

There is a poem that a dear friend's mom sent me once when my sister was diagnosed with cancer, that I still have hanging framed on my wall beside where I spend time with the Lord in the mornings.  It has also been such a great reminder of God's love for me in the midst of trials. I can barely read it through to the end without tearing up, in thankfulness to God that through these trials, I come to know Him more deeply and my love for Him grows.

The Thorn

(by Martha Snell Nicholson)

I stood a mendicant of God before His royal throne

And begged him for one priceless gift, which I could call 

my own.

I took the gift from out His hand, but as I would depart

I cried, "But Lord this is a thorn and it has pierced my 

heart.

This is a strange, a hurtful gift, which Thou hast given 

me."

He said, "My child, I give good gifts and gave My best to

thee."

I took it home and though at first the cruel thorn hurt 

sore,

As long years passed I learned at last to love it more and

more.

I learned He never gives a thorn without this added grace,

He takes the thorn to pin aside the veil which hides His

face.

Please pray for us that God would give us wisdom from above in our next steps.  We have a conference call with my doctor today to talk about it.  We covet your prayers and are so thankful for you.