What did you say doc? Perfect? I'll take it!

Today I underwent my IUI procedure.  

I feel like everything has been perfect this go 'round.  My ultrasound showed TWO mature follicles two days ago…all we need is one!  I have one on the left and one on the right…both came to the party this month :) 

We decided to only take oral medication to save on costs and to minimize my complications (i.e. cysts!).  It worked.  

I have also been testing my ovulation via an ovulation sensor and a kit.  My LH surge was right on time; everything correlates.

Matt went in first this morning to do his thing…which was PERFECT.  

I went in an hour and a half later, and was called back fairly quickly..

however, not before I had some time to look through a Southern Living Christmas Magazine and score some awesome recipes (that I just took pics of with my phone) and peruse some neat "suggested"gifts for the season..

and saw these ADORABLE slippers…."Southern Belle"…however, they cost about $148…so nope. 

But I can look at them and think of how adorable they would be to wear!

Once the IUI procedure was completed, I had an ultrasound just to make sure everything happened the way it was supposed to (process of ovulation concurrent with procedure) given that we only took oral medication this round…it was PERFECT.  Those are the very words the nurse practitioner used.  By the way, I asked for a specific nurse practitioner who is just awesome…got her.  Again, perfect. :)

I was so excited, I wanted to remember this moment.  This could be the moment that we made (God allowed and truly made) our Christmas miracle.  Oh, please, Lord!!

I have felt calm all morning…but I attribute that to my time with the Lord, and prayer.  He truly gives a peace that surpasses all understanding.  It's probably the calmest I've ever felt going through this process.  

I told the Lord this morning that the last two+ years have been hard.  They have certainly tried us and stretched our faith in ways we could have never imagined.  And we are so thankful.  God has made us own what we said we believe.  Our convictions are deeper because of it, our love for our God is immeasurably more because of it.  He has met us every step along the way and has brought comfort.  He was/is capable of taking on our doubts and honesty before Him when we were at our lowest moments in the struggle.  Oh, how I love Jesus. 

We don't know what news today's procedure will bring.  We may get a Christmas miracle for our family.  We may not.  Either way, we are content.  Jesus is THE Christmas miracle, and We are His and He is ours.  Whatever he calls us to, we'll do.  We deserved nothing, yet He has given us everything. 

Just a last picture of our sweet furry babies…I took a picture of Dot first:

and then Baylor got a little jealous and needed her picture taken as well:

um, hello, guys.

Merry Christmas, ya'll!

The Holidays! (and an inFertility update)

I love this time of year - Fall is here, cool crisp air has come (and gone…I'm just saying).  Thanksgiving and Christmas are celebrated.  Family gets together and there seems to be more cheer in the air.  We've been very busy with some traveling for weddings, hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year, and celebrating Matt's 34th birthday :)

Here are just a few pictures from our time:

We celebrated Thanksgiving with our small group from church by hosting a Pilgrim/Indian dinner with another small group…We were the pilgrims…they were the indians. 

As you can see, I like to go all out when it calls for dress up :)  My husband, however, does not.  He kept saying.."I'm not dressing up. Nope.  I'm not doing it."  (Although I will tell you that he owns a pretty awesome Batman costume that he has no shame in putting on..!)  Well, as you can see below…he dressed up.  Love that man…ahem..pilgrim :)

THEN!!  It was Matt's 34th birthday.  Our small group got together at Post Office Pies in Avondale to eat some pizza and celebrate.  It was fabulous.  Probably some of the best pizza i've ever eaten. And the company was so much fun :)  

Matt even got to meet his band crush's lead singer (St. Paul and the Broken Bones) that night…TOTAL star sighting!  And the guy was so nice and talked with us, and let me take a picture of he and Matt.   (This guy can wale.  I mean it.  His voice is stinking AMAZING.  Look the band up.)

Edgar's Carrot Cake. YUM. 

We then flew out the very next morning to San Antonio to watch one of Matt's best friends get married.  Matt was actually a groomsman.  It's the first time I've been to San Antonio, and we got to walk along the River Walk and see the Alamo.  It was so pretty!  

I rented this dress from RentTheRunway.com…It's a Monica Llullier.  Ahhhhh…I always find it so cool to wear a designer's dress at a fraction of the cost :)  I did the same thing for my engagement pics..

The very next week Matt and I hosted my family for Thanksgiving.  It was a fun filled three days!  

We ate a TON.  We even got out on Black Friday and did some shopping, which I NEVER do as a rule.  It wasn't too bad, though :)  

Having family in town was the best.  I love spending holidays with them.  All in all, we had 7 people and 5 dogs in our little abode.  It was cozy :)

Below is my sister and nephew.

My stepdad.

My sister and mom. 

The Saturday they left, Matt and I headed to Pollard, AL to bury his grandfather.  It was a bitter sweet day as we mourned him no longer being with us, but celebrated that one day we will see him again, and he is no longer suffering.   We love you, Claude Moton.

And now, we are in the Christmas season!  We went today and bought our Christmas Tree.  One of the things I have always dreaded at Christmas is putting up, and decorating a tree.  Somehow, after marrying Matt, it is one of the things I look forward to.  It's our new tradition.  We do it together, and have a lot of fun stringing the lights on the tree and carefully placing the ornaments.  Maybe it's because  we have ornaments that mean so much to us - that reflect our life together and our family. 

Either way, I now love it.   

Below is our mantle and advent wreath…I'll post more pics of our tree later :)

We also bought some new outdoor trees for our porch, and when Matt saw this bear…he fell in love with it.  He had to have it!  He's a bear at heart ALL THE WAY.  

His team is the Baylor Bears.  He loves the Chicago Bears.  He's a CUBS fan.  He once stated if he could be any animal it would be a black BEAR.  He's a bear. :)  (and we, of course, named our second dog Baylor Bear Moton..)

So here's our new Christmas front porch :)

Our dogs just sat there and watched us decorate…they're such good dogs!

Oh, and Matt just showed me this…I'm telling you…bear through and through :)

This was on a poster that one of the college kids held up on game day at Baylor today.  Sic 'EM Bears!!

inFertility Update

We are now back on medications to help stimulate my ovaries to produce eggs.  We took last month off, and actually had ultrasound proof that I ovulated on my own (praise the Lord!), but we still did not get pregnant.  So, this month, we have no cysts…were placed back on meds…and have an ultrasound in the morning to see how things are looking :)

Hopefully, the plan will be to schedule IUI in the next few days if I have some mature eggs in there :)

Please pray with us.  And if the Lord continues to say "no"…come July we'll be legally allowed to adopt in our state…and Lord willing, we'll pursue it. 

Merry Christmas!

Oh, how I LOVE Fall!

I have long been in love with Fall.  

Cool crisp air.

Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

Thanksgiving.

Family gatherings.

Everything Pumpkin..

Sweaters.

Boots.

Cardigans.

Have I mentioned I LOVE pumpkin?

A season to snuggle close.

Ahhhhh… Fall. 

I love living where the seasons are distinct, and the leaves actually do turn bright oranges, yellows, and reds as it starts to get cooler.  

I have started putting out my Fall decorations, and I bought a couple of new sweaters yesterday just to get prepared!  If only I could find the perfect pair of boots for the season!

I thought I'd share a few pics - mainly so I can remember these years of our lives - time really does pass so quickly.  I don't want to forget a moment..

If only I could eat this thing!  PUMPKIN!!!

It will soon be holding candy corn and peanuts…YUM.  

All of the white pumpkins were spray painted by me.  I LOVE white pumpkins…I just couldn't find any in the stores I went to…so I "pinterested" them :)

I do plan on getting some planters with mums to go with the pumpkins below…again, those pumpkins are painted! 

This Fall, thus far, has been lovely…although I've been an emotional basket case for most of it :)

Have I mentioned I hate birth control?  I'm off of it now!!

God has reminded me that as He is sovereign over the seasons, He is sovereign over my life. 

Nothing will be withheld from me or Matt that God has intended to give us.

Not even a child.

Our hope is in Him alone. 

I have been battling unbelief this last week as the lies inside my head would have me believe that God has forgotten me, that He no longer listens to my prayers, or that He even cares. 

What I've been reminded is that I am a Good Work begun by God the day He saved me, and He will finish this work until the day of Christ's return. 

Oh, how thankful I am that Your mercies renew in the morning, Oh God!

And thank You for pumpkins!!

I guess it's time for a little update..

I know those of you who may follow my journey through infertility may be reading the title of this post with great anticipation that I'm about to finally reveal that Matt and I got pregnant - well, I have that same anticipation - but it's not true for us yet.

What has been going on is this:  ovarian cysts, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (a mild case), and continued walking in hope.

At least three months ago during our first cycle post miscarriage, our doctor upped our medications significantly and we had great follicle response.  Too good actually.  I developed a mild case of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) which is a complication of taking injectable medications to stimulate follicle growth (EGGS!!).  It really just messed up the whole cycle, and we didn't get pregnant.  But what we (I) did get were MANY ovarian cysts (on the right).  Basically, these cysts crowd out the ovary and good eggs have no room to grow or develop.  So, our next cycle was cancelled.  The NP treating me that day told me I needed to go on birth control to help these cysts resolve.  I am not a fan of birth control for many reasons, not to mention the MAIN reason as it prevents pregnancy!! I did not desire to pursue that route. I told her I just wanted to wait and give it a month and see if the cysts go down on their own.  So that's what we did.

Fast forward - next cycle.  The cysts on the right are gone - Praise the Lord!  However, NOW I have developed a new, even larger more complex cyst on the left.  (Enter large sigh).  So, at this point, the NP tells me that my body is now just "so messed up" with all the medications I've been receiving, that I really need to go on birth control to regulate these hormones, or my body could just keep flip flopping these cysts month to month.  (Heart drops).  Ok.

My first two weeks on birth control felt like an emotional dance off between Jeckel and Hyde.  Seriously.  One minute, I may be crying, next laughing at...well, nothing, probably....to yelling at our dogs...or Matt. You know.  Just some little birth control pills that you won't even notice.  Have I mentioned that I do not like them?

Super Fast Forward - We go back for a recheck after three weeks of being on the pill (last week).  The right ovary looks fantastic! The left ovarian cyst has now shrunk from 7cm to 2.5cm.  YAY!! It's still too large to move forward, however.  So...the plan.  My doctor recommends surgery.  Nope. No thank you. 2nd option - we continue to take the birth control pills for three more weeks and hope the cyst continues to shrink on it's own and just go away.  I'll take option #2 please!

Although, I'm pretty sure my sweet, loving, caring, patient, and deeply sighing husband sitting next to me is not too thrilled with either option :)

So, we pray.  We are asking the Lord to take these cysts away, and keep me from having to undergo surgery.  I really just want to be off birth control.  I apparently fall into the category of "Dannnng girl, You Craaazzzy!" while on them.

Please pray with us that God would just heal my body and open my womb.  He is more than capable of doing it and much more than we could ever ask or imagine.  I often think of Hannah in the bible pleading with God for a child, and even being mistaken for being drunk while doing so....

Infertility brings a woman to her knees before her Lord. He is the giver of life.  He can open this womb of mine if He so chooses.  And thank you, Lord, for giving me examples of godly women in Your Word who have struggled with these same struggles, and watched You provide.  Matt read to me the story of Abraham and Sarah the other night, just as a reminder that God can do whatever He pleases, and He is more than capable.  I really am so thankful for a husband who loves the Lord, and seeks to push me towards Him daily.

And on that note...we're only 9 months away from being "allowed" to adopt in our state :) Yes, that's still on our minds too..

My Loft Experience….prepare yo self!

So….I have this little nuance called claustrophobia. Yep. There it is. It's out there. I usually get through tight spaces by repeating to myself that I can breathe.  There was this really awkward moment once in college at a spring fair where I tried to get into one of those balls that you get rolled around in….NOT a good idea. As soon as the door was closed in on me, I freaked out.  FREAKED.  Not one of my most Audrey Hepburn-esk moments, for sure. There has been, of course, other moments not so embarrassing, but certainly that stand out in my mind as moments of victory - like riding on an elevator in Kazakhstan that was made for LITERALLY two people, and we had four people crammed into the space.  I got through it by reminding myself I could breathe and to stay calm.  No problem.

Today was likely my MOST embarrassing moment with this ridiculous phobia.  Something about my lungs feeling smushed doesn't give me the giggles.

I went to the Loft today to buy some new fall clothes.  Whoo hoo!!!  I had some coupons and they were having an amazing sale.  I picked up some tops, pants, and cords and headed to the dressing room.  Some things were working well, some weren't.  I got to this blousy grey, beautiful shirt that I JUST KNEW would fit JUST FINE.  Well, after putting in on my arms and it being just a smidge tight should have given me some sort of hint that the shirt may not, in fact, fit me that well.  I, however, being stubborn, finished putting it on anyway.  Once completely on, well….it didn't fit.  I gave it one good laugh in the mirror, and then tried to take it off.  No bueno.  It wasn't budging.  The arms were too tight to raise well above my head, and I was afraid I'd rip it.  (Enter slight panic)…At this point, I'm still trying to think through ways to get this shirt off.  The thought does cross my mind to go Hulk style on it and just rip it and pay for it…but my inner frugal self wouldn't hear of it.  What else can I do?  I'm really starting to freak out…this thing really feels constricting at this point and I'm starting to feel like I can't breathe.  Soooooo…..I open my door to see if there might happen to be a sales lady in the dressing room.  Nope.  A lady admiring herself in the mirror at the front of the dressing room happens to look back at me and then look back at the mirror and then back at me again.  I think she realized I was in need of something.  I asked if she wouldn't mind helping me with my shirt…(enter my horror story).

She states, "Oh, sure, you need me to unzip it??".  Nope.  I lightly mention, "I need you to take it off of me."  And by the way, it didn't even occur to me to put any pants back on.  That's right, folks. You heard me. I was desperate. I let a complete stranger (hero!!) into my dressing room to help me take this shirt off like a mother would a child.  Not to mention, I was also wearing my spanx bra, which is probably the ugliest bra a woman can buy in my opinion (and my husbands!)…but it reduces or eliminates back fat - it's here to stay.  So, in she comes.

As I try my best to lift my arms above my head so she can just pull it over, the shirt gets stuck above my chest area.  I FREAK OUT.  I can't breathe.  I HAVE to open my dressing room door and stick my head out as I tell the woman I'm really about to freak out, and she starts to look very fearful. I try to reassure her it will be fine, I just need to feel like I can breathe, pull the shirt back down, and suck in as much air as I can to make me feel better.  Soooo…she suggests we just open the door all the way with the phrase, "it's ok…no one's looking".  My modesty is now out the window because my lungs feel like they are being trapped in a tiny bottle.  Geez..  You may be asking yourself, "What would Jackie-O do in this moment?"  Well, my answer is that she would make sure she never gained enough weight to ever be trapped in any shirt…:)  So, I gotta do what I gotta do.

As I now cling to the wall in the dressing room and breathing fast, the lady tells me once again to lift my arms above my head. I do it. She keeps saying, "My goodness, you are soooo sunburned."  I, of course, know that I don't sun my skin.  I'm not sure what she could be talking about…but I don't care. I need this shirt off.  Finally!  She gets it edged up over each shoulder blade…and then IT'S OFF!!!  VICTORY!!!  All of a sudden the fact that I'm in my spanx bra and skivvies ONLY quickly hits me.  You could have poured awkward sauce all over this moment…The sweet (and scared) lady makes sure I'm better, and she exits the room as I am saying over and over again how sorry I am and how embarrassed I am.

I will say that although she seemed calm through the entire episode (especially as compared to me)…when she exited, she accidentally walked in to another person's dressing room as they were dressing…ha.  Poor thing…she'll probably be talking about this moment for years to come.

Once composed, I looked at myself in the mirror.  I could now see what she was talking about - my back was blood red - I was so freaked out that my sensitive skin revealed what my inner self was thinking.  My neck will do the same thing when I'm nervous.  Yep…no sunburn here…just pure embarrassment.  I was shaking so badly, and was SO embarrassed, I had to sit in my dressing room for another 15 minutes just to make sure that (hopefully) this sweet older woman had already exited the store.

OMG.  I felt like I escaped death today.  But not for the sake of my ego.  It's completely withered to nothingness :)  (which is why I'm telling you this story…)

Happy 2nd Anniversary, and The News.

July 21 was our 2nd anniversary.  Praise the Lord!  

I love this man so much…so happy to spend the rest of my life with him.  

We had a small cake made by the company who made our wedding cake…same icing, same cake, same design on the sides as our wedding cake topper (although the top had a huge bow on it for our wedding cake…but now our monogram)…it was DELICIOUS!  

We then headed out for a week at the beach!  We "laugh" about our last name always being mistaken for having an "R" in it…(it doesn't).  However, no matter where we go, we are called the "Morton's".  

I handed the guy our beach reservation ticket which has "Moton" written on it, tell him "Moton", and he still writes "Morton".  And there you go :) 

(We have made hotel reservations under Moton, and when we've gotten there, they can't find "Moton", but when asked to look under "Morton"…well, there it is :) )

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh…..much needed respite.

Below is the view from our little bungaloo…we actually crossed that long pier everyday to make it over to the beach..but we'd get to wake up every morning to watch the ducks swimming in the lake :) 

It was beautiful! 

This sweet man of mine…I get to spend the rest of my life with him, Lord willing.  How blessed a woman am I!  Isn't he so handsome? :)

Our dogs were less than amused for yet another photo shoot :)  These are actually looks of terror in their eyes…they hated being placed on top of a swing.  Baylor (left) didn't mind so much when I was swinging with her…but on top alone…you can see she's pleading for mercy :) Dot's (right) just asking, "why?"  Pwecious.

So, we had dinner at Pompano Joe's (yum!) and The Red Bar (good - but wait TOO long!) - but the third night, we went to McGuire's Irish Pub - AWESOME!!

We had the most fun here. There was an irish man playing/singing on guitar in our area for entertainment, we had the best food, and only had to wait 15 minutes for our table…no more waiting for hours just to get seated!  It was FANTABULOUS.

Our last night, Matt cooked and we stayed in…Paella.  YUM.  It's a spanish dish of saffron rice, shrimp, sausage, prosciutto, peas, and pure yumminess.  Paired with a glass of wine, and we were set :)

We also had leftovers for a week!

On the way home…the dogs got plenty of rest.  Have I mentioned that we will likely NEVER take them on a vacation again?  :)  Their internal clocks are in FULL FORCE.  6am…time to get up, mommy.  There's no sleeping in with these puppies :)

So.  For the news. Now we get down to it.  I went in for a blood pregnancy test this past Tuesday after we got back from the beach.  I received the phone call at work late that same afternoon - negative. 

It's so hard receiving a phone call like that while you're at work.  You can't cry. You can't show emotion - professionalism must be maintained at all times.  

But for the ride home, it's ok to let loose.  

And when I arrived home, my sweet husband had these waiting for me, along with arms to fall in to. 

I was just so sad (and am still a little), but God's mercies renew in the morning.  He has been so faithful to bring comfort through His Word and prayer.  I can not stay feeling sorrowful when I am reminded of His great love for me.  He has purposes for my life beyond what I can imagine, and although the tapestry looks messy from the back to me right now, one day I'll see the beautiful masterpiece that God has been weaving on the front. 

He is faithful and good. 

We studied the following hymn two nights ago in our small group from church:

God Moves In A Mysterious Way 

by William Cowper

It was written by a man who suffered from depression almost his whole life, lost his mother as a young child, was sexually abused, attempted suicide many times, was in and out of insane asylums throughout his life…and came to know the Lord one afternoon after finding a Bible while in an insane asylum and reading the book of John and some other scripture.  It is written that although he never felt like he was a beneficiary of many of God's blessings this side of heaven, he believed in God's purposes and faithfulness and pursued God all the days of his life after coming to know Him.  John Newton befriended this man and would go on long walks with him knowing he needed a friend, and encouraged him in his faith and to put his sufferings and experience with God's grace into words.

Out of that was born this hymn…

 God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants His footsteps in the sea

And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines

Of never failing skill

He treasures up His bright designs

And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err

And scan His work in vain;

God is His own interpreter,

And He will make it plain.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future".  Jeremiah 29:11

Lord, we will wait on You. 

Round 3

Last night officially started our Round 3 with IUI.   My medications were delivered overnight, and I delivered three injections into my stomach last night, while Matt sweetly applied bandaids after each one :)  I am so thankful for such a tender husband that God gave to me.

As I have been studying God's Word this week and spending sweet time with Him in the mornings, I have been challenged and encouraged in living a life of faith before God and others.  It has been a challenging week as I re-study stories in the Bible regarding men of faith before our Living God, and how they responded when called to action - i.e. David and Goliath; Abram (before being called Abraham) and the promise of a child; the centurion who believed Jesus could heal his servant; the two blind men who confessed who Jesus was and believed in His mercy and were healed…and the list could go on and on.

I've had to confess my unbelief and lack of faith to God.  How you respond to your circumstances reveals what you believe in God more that what you say you believe in God.  At times, I can begin to feel God no longer cares about me and this desire Matt and I have to be parents.  I tell God that He commanded it, He says it is good to have children - "a quiver full", and that we are trying to be obedient.  :)  What I fail to remember in those moments of inward reflection instead of focusing on the Lord Himself, is that Jesus died on the cross for me.  His love for me was established on that day, and His love never fails.  He is more committed to my knowing Him and growing in holiness and righteousness than I can even imagine. He LOVES me.  Thus, He is walking with me through this trial.

There is purpose in all of our trials.  "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness".  James 1:2

How we choose to respond to our trials can draw us closer to the Lord, or push us farther away in rebellion.  We long to fight the good fight, be salt and light to those around us, and walk daily with the Lord.  Our hope and trust is in the Lord alone.  We are thankful that God has chosen us to "suffer with him" and to grow our hearts in steadfastness.  Of course, we long for children, and hope this month is successful!!! But, even more so, we long to look like Jesus…and Jesus suffered while on this earth.  May His will be done. 

Denver, baby!!

This past week, Matt and I had the opportunity to fly to Denver to witness a good friend of Matt's get married.  However, we both have friends who live in Denver, so we made the most of the trip and "caught up!"

Below is my friend from college, Jackie Batchelor.  She and I were involved in the same ministry in college, Campus Outreach, and became best buds on our first summer beach project together. 

We were roommates and inseparable that summer :)

She took us to Steuben's restaurant in Denver, and it was DE-LICIOUS!  

Who knew crispy brussel sprouts and habanero corn would taste amazing as appetizers…I was hooked!

And the sign she is holding below is how they "find you" for your table.  They also have "Growing Pains", etc.  :)

After dinner, Matt and I drove to Larimer Street to meet up with the soon to be bride and groom and wedding party for a couple hours.  Isn't this street beautiful?! I LOVE white string lights…they make everything seem so much more romantic :)

After breakfast the next morning at "Snooze"…

(which you know we will always find something spicy to eat!)

We headed out to Red Rocks to meet one of Matt's fraternity brothers from Baylor and did a "little" hiking….have I mentioned the elevation is MUCH higher than Birmingham ???  and a girl just can't breathe as well hiking straight up a mountain??  1/4 mile. DONE. :)

I had just caught my breath enough for this picture :)

Matt and I went out on a sweet date night the evening of July 4th…just the two of us :)  We watched fireworks, and then went to a roof top dining restaurant…although, the temperature had dropped to 64 degrees, and I had on a dress…still enjoyable, though!

The next morning, we hit Lucille's…a cajun breakfast joint in the heart of Denver…YUM.

Shrimp and Grits, anyone??

And we then proceeded to tour the Coor's Brewery, and met back up with Matt's fraternity brother and his girlfriend for the day..

And then the main event, the wedding…

It was held at the Denver Botanical Gardens… just lovely.

These were all sculptures from a featured artist at the time..

And Said (pronounced Sah-eeyed) and Jennifer  :) 

Happy couple!

A quick 4 day trip…I now love Denver as much in the summer as I do in the winter!!