My Loft Experience….prepare yo self!

So….I have this little nuance called claustrophobia. Yep. There it is. It's out there. I usually get through tight spaces by repeating to myself that I can breathe.  There was this really awkward moment once in college at a spring fair where I tried to get into one of those balls that you get rolled around in….NOT a good idea. As soon as the door was closed in on me, I freaked out.  FREAKED.  Not one of my most Audrey Hepburn-esk moments, for sure. There has been, of course, other moments not so embarrassing, but certainly that stand out in my mind as moments of victory - like riding on an elevator in Kazakhstan that was made for LITERALLY two people, and we had four people crammed into the space.  I got through it by reminding myself I could breathe and to stay calm.  No problem.

Today was likely my MOST embarrassing moment with this ridiculous phobia.  Something about my lungs feeling smushed doesn't give me the giggles.

I went to the Loft today to buy some new fall clothes.  Whoo hoo!!!  I had some coupons and they were having an amazing sale.  I picked up some tops, pants, and cords and headed to the dressing room.  Some things were working well, some weren't.  I got to this blousy grey, beautiful shirt that I JUST KNEW would fit JUST FINE.  Well, after putting in on my arms and it being just a smidge tight should have given me some sort of hint that the shirt may not, in fact, fit me that well.  I, however, being stubborn, finished putting it on anyway.  Once completely on, well….it didn't fit.  I gave it one good laugh in the mirror, and then tried to take it off.  No bueno.  It wasn't budging.  The arms were too tight to raise well above my head, and I was afraid I'd rip it.  (Enter slight panic)…At this point, I'm still trying to think through ways to get this shirt off.  The thought does cross my mind to go Hulk style on it and just rip it and pay for it…but my inner frugal self wouldn't hear of it.  What else can I do?  I'm really starting to freak out…this thing really feels constricting at this point and I'm starting to feel like I can't breathe.  Soooooo…..I open my door to see if there might happen to be a sales lady in the dressing room.  Nope.  A lady admiring herself in the mirror at the front of the dressing room happens to look back at me and then look back at the mirror and then back at me again.  I think she realized I was in need of something.  I asked if she wouldn't mind helping me with my shirt…(enter my horror story).

She states, "Oh, sure, you need me to unzip it??".  Nope.  I lightly mention, "I need you to take it off of me."  And by the way, it didn't even occur to me to put any pants back on.  That's right, folks. You heard me. I was desperate. I let a complete stranger (hero!!) into my dressing room to help me take this shirt off like a mother would a child.  Not to mention, I was also wearing my spanx bra, which is probably the ugliest bra a woman can buy in my opinion (and my husbands!)…but it reduces or eliminates back fat - it's here to stay.  So, in she comes.

As I try my best to lift my arms above my head so she can just pull it over, the shirt gets stuck above my chest area.  I FREAK OUT.  I can't breathe.  I HAVE to open my dressing room door and stick my head out as I tell the woman I'm really about to freak out, and she starts to look very fearful. I try to reassure her it will be fine, I just need to feel like I can breathe, pull the shirt back down, and suck in as much air as I can to make me feel better.  Soooo…she suggests we just open the door all the way with the phrase, "it's ok…no one's looking".  My modesty is now out the window because my lungs feel like they are being trapped in a tiny bottle.  Geez..  You may be asking yourself, "What would Jackie-O do in this moment?"  Well, my answer is that she would make sure she never gained enough weight to ever be trapped in any shirt…:)  So, I gotta do what I gotta do.

As I now cling to the wall in the dressing room and breathing fast, the lady tells me once again to lift my arms above my head. I do it. She keeps saying, "My goodness, you are soooo sunburned."  I, of course, know that I don't sun my skin.  I'm not sure what she could be talking about…but I don't care. I need this shirt off.  Finally!  She gets it edged up over each shoulder blade…and then IT'S OFF!!!  VICTORY!!!  All of a sudden the fact that I'm in my spanx bra and skivvies ONLY quickly hits me.  You could have poured awkward sauce all over this moment…The sweet (and scared) lady makes sure I'm better, and she exits the room as I am saying over and over again how sorry I am and how embarrassed I am.

I will say that although she seemed calm through the entire episode (especially as compared to me)…when she exited, she accidentally walked in to another person's dressing room as they were dressing…ha.  Poor thing…she'll probably be talking about this moment for years to come.

Once composed, I looked at myself in the mirror.  I could now see what she was talking about - my back was blood red - I was so freaked out that my sensitive skin revealed what my inner self was thinking.  My neck will do the same thing when I'm nervous.  Yep…no sunburn here…just pure embarrassment.  I was shaking so badly, and was SO embarrassed, I had to sit in my dressing room for another 15 minutes just to make sure that (hopefully) this sweet older woman had already exited the store.

OMG.  I felt like I escaped death today.  But not for the sake of my ego.  It's completely withered to nothingness :)  (which is why I'm telling you this story…)

Happy 2nd Anniversary, and The News.

July 21 was our 2nd anniversary.  Praise the Lord!  

I love this man so much…so happy to spend the rest of my life with him.  

We had a small cake made by the company who made our wedding cake…same icing, same cake, same design on the sides as our wedding cake topper (although the top had a huge bow on it for our wedding cake…but now our monogram)…it was DELICIOUS!  

We then headed out for a week at the beach!  We "laugh" about our last name always being mistaken for having an "R" in it…(it doesn't).  However, no matter where we go, we are called the "Morton's".  

I handed the guy our beach reservation ticket which has "Moton" written on it, tell him "Moton", and he still writes "Morton".  And there you go :) 

(We have made hotel reservations under Moton, and when we've gotten there, they can't find "Moton", but when asked to look under "Morton"…well, there it is :) )

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh…..much needed respite.

Below is the view from our little bungaloo…we actually crossed that long pier everyday to make it over to the beach..but we'd get to wake up every morning to watch the ducks swimming in the lake :) 

It was beautiful! 

This sweet man of mine…I get to spend the rest of my life with him, Lord willing.  How blessed a woman am I!  Isn't he so handsome? :)

Our dogs were less than amused for yet another photo shoot :)  These are actually looks of terror in their eyes…they hated being placed on top of a swing.  Baylor (left) didn't mind so much when I was swinging with her…but on top alone…you can see she's pleading for mercy :) Dot's (right) just asking, "why?"  Pwecious.

So, we had dinner at Pompano Joe's (yum!) and The Red Bar (good - but wait TOO long!) - but the third night, we went to McGuire's Irish Pub - AWESOME!!

We had the most fun here. There was an irish man playing/singing on guitar in our area for entertainment, we had the best food, and only had to wait 15 minutes for our table…no more waiting for hours just to get seated!  It was FANTABULOUS.

Our last night, Matt cooked and we stayed in…Paella.  YUM.  It's a spanish dish of saffron rice, shrimp, sausage, prosciutto, peas, and pure yumminess.  Paired with a glass of wine, and we were set :)

We also had leftovers for a week!

On the way home…the dogs got plenty of rest.  Have I mentioned that we will likely NEVER take them on a vacation again?  :)  Their internal clocks are in FULL FORCE.  6am…time to get up, mommy.  There's no sleeping in with these puppies :)

So.  For the news. Now we get down to it.  I went in for a blood pregnancy test this past Tuesday after we got back from the beach.  I received the phone call at work late that same afternoon - negative. 

It's so hard receiving a phone call like that while you're at work.  You can't cry. You can't show emotion - professionalism must be maintained at all times.  

But for the ride home, it's ok to let loose.  

And when I arrived home, my sweet husband had these waiting for me, along with arms to fall in to. 

I was just so sad (and am still a little), but God's mercies renew in the morning.  He has been so faithful to bring comfort through His Word and prayer.  I can not stay feeling sorrowful when I am reminded of His great love for me.  He has purposes for my life beyond what I can imagine, and although the tapestry looks messy from the back to me right now, one day I'll see the beautiful masterpiece that God has been weaving on the front. 

He is faithful and good. 

We studied the following hymn two nights ago in our small group from church:

God Moves In A Mysterious Way 

by William Cowper

It was written by a man who suffered from depression almost his whole life, lost his mother as a young child, was sexually abused, attempted suicide many times, was in and out of insane asylums throughout his life…and came to know the Lord one afternoon after finding a Bible while in an insane asylum and reading the book of John and some other scripture.  It is written that although he never felt like he was a beneficiary of many of God's blessings this side of heaven, he believed in God's purposes and faithfulness and pursued God all the days of his life after coming to know Him.  John Newton befriended this man and would go on long walks with him knowing he needed a friend, and encouraged him in his faith and to put his sufferings and experience with God's grace into words.

Out of that was born this hymn…

 God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants His footsteps in the sea

And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines

Of never failing skill

He treasures up His bright designs

And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err

And scan His work in vain;

God is His own interpreter,

And He will make it plain.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future".  Jeremiah 29:11

Lord, we will wait on You. 

Round 3

Last night officially started our Round 3 with IUI.   My medications were delivered overnight, and I delivered three injections into my stomach last night, while Matt sweetly applied bandaids after each one :)  I am so thankful for such a tender husband that God gave to me.

As I have been studying God's Word this week and spending sweet time with Him in the mornings, I have been challenged and encouraged in living a life of faith before God and others.  It has been a challenging week as I re-study stories in the Bible regarding men of faith before our Living God, and how they responded when called to action - i.e. David and Goliath; Abram (before being called Abraham) and the promise of a child; the centurion who believed Jesus could heal his servant; the two blind men who confessed who Jesus was and believed in His mercy and were healed…and the list could go on and on.

I've had to confess my unbelief and lack of faith to God.  How you respond to your circumstances reveals what you believe in God more that what you say you believe in God.  At times, I can begin to feel God no longer cares about me and this desire Matt and I have to be parents.  I tell God that He commanded it, He says it is good to have children - "a quiver full", and that we are trying to be obedient.  :)  What I fail to remember in those moments of inward reflection instead of focusing on the Lord Himself, is that Jesus died on the cross for me.  His love for me was established on that day, and His love never fails.  He is more committed to my knowing Him and growing in holiness and righteousness than I can even imagine. He LOVES me.  Thus, He is walking with me through this trial.

There is purpose in all of our trials.  "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness".  James 1:2

How we choose to respond to our trials can draw us closer to the Lord, or push us farther away in rebellion.  We long to fight the good fight, be salt and light to those around us, and walk daily with the Lord.  Our hope and trust is in the Lord alone.  We are thankful that God has chosen us to "suffer with him" and to grow our hearts in steadfastness.  Of course, we long for children, and hope this month is successful!!! But, even more so, we long to look like Jesus…and Jesus suffered while on this earth.  May His will be done. 

Denver, baby!!

This past week, Matt and I had the opportunity to fly to Denver to witness a good friend of Matt's get married.  However, we both have friends who live in Denver, so we made the most of the trip and "caught up!"

Below is my friend from college, Jackie Batchelor.  She and I were involved in the same ministry in college, Campus Outreach, and became best buds on our first summer beach project together. 

We were roommates and inseparable that summer :)

She took us to Steuben's restaurant in Denver, and it was DE-LICIOUS!  

Who knew crispy brussel sprouts and habanero corn would taste amazing as appetizers…I was hooked!

And the sign she is holding below is how they "find you" for your table.  They also have "Growing Pains", etc.  :)

After dinner, Matt and I drove to Larimer Street to meet up with the soon to be bride and groom and wedding party for a couple hours.  Isn't this street beautiful?! I LOVE white string lights…they make everything seem so much more romantic :)

After breakfast the next morning at "Snooze"…

(which you know we will always find something spicy to eat!)

We headed out to Red Rocks to meet one of Matt's fraternity brothers from Baylor and did a "little" hiking….have I mentioned the elevation is MUCH higher than Birmingham ???  and a girl just can't breathe as well hiking straight up a mountain??  1/4 mile. DONE. :)

I had just caught my breath enough for this picture :)

Matt and I went out on a sweet date night the evening of July 4th…just the two of us :)  We watched fireworks, and then went to a roof top dining restaurant…although, the temperature had dropped to 64 degrees, and I had on a dress…still enjoyable, though!

The next morning, we hit Lucille's…a cajun breakfast joint in the heart of Denver…YUM.

Shrimp and Grits, anyone??

And we then proceeded to tour the Coor's Brewery, and met back up with Matt's fraternity brother and his girlfriend for the day..

And then the main event, the wedding…

It was held at the Denver Botanical Gardens… just lovely.

These were all sculptures from a featured artist at the time..

And Said (pronounced Sah-eeyed) and Jennifer  :) 

Happy couple!

A quick 4 day trip…I now love Denver as much in the summer as I do in the winter!!

The Follow Up…Yard Sale Day 2..and ThenSome :)

Sometimes, you just gotta be cool.

My dogs will do almost anything for a treat…and they love their mommy…so this is my treat to you :)

Annnnnnd  SO IS THIS…HA!!  

Had to capture my man wearing a fanny pack.  Yeeeeeeeesssssss. 

It was quite the awesome little money keeper, though, I'll tell you. 

We were thankful for it…Thank you 80s…or 90s…whichever :)

Matt was SUPER helpful to build these signs and hammer them into the ground to make it easy for all of our yard sale-ers make it to the correct place…we had a lot of people comment on how helpful they were!

Oh, and a yard sale can wreak havoc on a girl's nails/cuticles!!! OUCH!

And this is what our dogs looked like the whole day while we were outside selling...

So, after the Yard Sale was over the first day, Matt took some sweet time to play with our pups…

I just love this action shot!

You can see the ball above their heads…they're already heading towards where they think it will land!

Only to have that much energy again…

We then went for a wind down dinner at Chuy's.  NomNomNom.

Just FYI…

I mentioned in our Yard Sale Day 1 post that we were trusting the Lord to raise funds for us to go towards our infertility process…and to hold off the rain…

Grand total for TWO days:  $1002.00  

We were so humbled by our Lord.  Truly.  Just amazed :)

Now…for a few more hilarious pictures that our dogs allowed me to take…VERY quickly mind you :)

Love these girls.  

#MyFuturesSoBright